origin story

I had moved to Vancouver, was enjoying my job and had signed a lucrative contract to continue in the following year. I was living out of a van so my cost of living was low and I was proud of myself for beating the frustration of the housing market. My life outside of work was something of a mess, but I was sticking with what I knew.  

It was good. 

...If a bit boring. 

One day around springtime I pushed myself against myself to go for a run on Cypress mountain and the clay of lethargy that had been coddling my brain seemed to break and fall away. I saw a bear, and a coyote, but the real achievement was the realisation that I didn’t want to keep doing the same job next year. I thought, wow, what bravery I am showing. What a good story this will make: passing up the reasonable for the radical. Yes, this was becoming a good story. 

Little did I know how right I was. 

Almost immediately following this moment I was offered a better job than the one I was planning to quit. The new job was an exciting job, a well paid job, quite a dream job really. Passing up on this moment in my teaching career had become complex. There was no clear answer anymore. It would make a lot of good sense to take this job. But passing it up to “go with my gut” on an adventure wouldn’t be necessarily a bad choice either. 

Good stories often hang on these moments of decision: choices that are fairly binary and require giving up one good thing for another. I heard this idea recently, and I like it immensely, that the moments where not one of two decisions is better than another, we have the opportunity to reach inside ourselves and shape our own identity by choosing one. Sometimes you can look at life as a series of pseudo-choices, where really we are washed along in the current of our circumstances and common desires. Those moments, however, when your reason is truly very divided may be opportunities, I suggest, to be a co-author in ones own destiny. 

In a rare event of appeal I sent an email to friends and former colleagues, asking their advice to my conundrum and their responses were dynamic, varied and rich. 

Some argued the points in favour of keeping the job, others the opposite. I think most seesawed like I did and drew on their own experiences to relate uniquely and add wise perspectives.

Neither decision was wrong, I feel. They were both right, but in the end I passed up on the job offer. This meant that there were many things I could have done with the upcoming months, but what this space is assigned to is what I have decided to focus on from November to the end of March: Five months of music. 

I hope you’ll join me in this experiment and adventure to see what can be accomplished in 5 months of intensive personal studies, practise, and creativity. Perhaps we can learn together, and if so, perhaps this value will justify the endeavour.